Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
