I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
