lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
