Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It's Friday. Sex?
You can't special order awesome
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
