I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
