when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
