So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
