Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
