Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Houston, we have a squirter
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
