The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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