I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
