we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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