You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
