Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
