capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
