you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize