we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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