You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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