Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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