Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
