I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
