Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
