Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Randomize