Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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