And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it hurts more in the daytime
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
