Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
