if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
