Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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