saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
