You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
