one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
