He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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