I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
