just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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