He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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