You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
As shirtless as possible
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
