3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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