so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I would fuck him just for his dog
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
