i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
