11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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