I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
