her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize