Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
