I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Houston, we have a blender
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My bed smells like the plague
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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