38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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