It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
NoShamevember. You game?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
