you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
