I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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