the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
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