I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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