I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
