went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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