so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
