I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
