I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
