Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
