My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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