if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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