i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
