Me too!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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