This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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