I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
