Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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