Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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