I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
