you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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