This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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