Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
