And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
