And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
