Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
