Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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