dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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