i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize