So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
