I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
