hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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