she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
