I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
