Buhtt sex?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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