Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
