And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
