I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
