Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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