I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
