The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
should my penis look like a turkey
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize