I wish I could teleport
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
