We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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