Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
