awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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